[Special Series] My Dad and I share a similar story to my favourite hero/villain

Well, sort of. I’ll let the readers guess along the way.

I say sort of because, depending on which movie you watch or just pure definition-wise, a person cannot be both, and you would be right to some extent. After all, no one is truly right or wrong, morality is subjective in the end.

The tl;dr version is at the bottom.

See, to me, it’s not really about whether this person is a hero or villain. It’s really about the journey they took and how it mirrors what we go through in our everyday lives, and it puts into perspective how we can see ourselves as a hero but others see us as a villain. While this person does seem rather black and white in what they were on film, their extended universe comics do paint a better nuance and insight into their overall character. If it hasn’t occurred to you by now that this person is fictional then here is your cue.

So, what makes this person special to me? It’s simple. Not only do they come from my all-time favourite franchise and movies (those who know me can already guess who I’m referring to), but they intimately reflect the journey of my life, and even my dad’s life. He is iconic, downright tragic but somewhat understandable if you really dig deep into his path of self-awareness, reflection, redemption, and icon for his grandson. By now, you may have an idea as to who I’m writing about but if not, great, you can join me as we see why his journey is something similar to mine and how it can also be similar to yours.

Let’s start with a little story as to how I stumbled across this unique character to be my role model, or at least a figure to explain how I got to where I am and how it has shaped me. It all started in a public speaking class, we were all asked to present about a hero in our lives. Immediately, my mind jumped to my Dad and how, even after his death, he still teaches and inspires me to do better in life. That wasn’t going to work though because my Dad, while great, wasn’t a hero but a role model, he didn’t save anyone nor do amazing feats, and I will not tarnish his memory by idolising him as something he is not. It would be disrespectful honestly, so I searched on how I can better tell his story without making it too personalised for me alone.

Then it hit me, why not use this character? He is, after all, a hero and a villain at some points in his story, so why not. Great, so what’s so special about him?

Nothing.

He started out as a slave with his mother and was rescued by two religious fanatics, only to be attacked by another religious fanatic from another sect, rescued again and now forced to be indoctrinated into the religious sect. He started off poor, believed he was destined for greatness but was treated like a second-class person, and was only loved by his wife and mentor. This was almost like my Dad, he was an orphan and had nothing, but he worked hard and was indoctrinated to believe that he played a significant part in nation-building. Now, imagine this was the story you were told from a very young age, believed whole-heartedly in it and how frustrating it would be to be spoon-fed this idea that this was your path, your destiny, and only they can tell you that this is your path and destiny. Any deviations would be met with ridicule, judgement and subpar respect. How can anyone not be mad at that, how can you ever be content with that narrative? It would naturally make sense that this ‘hero’ would hold so much resentment and frustration to the point of them snapping and turning bad.

This character and my Dad were never perfect, never ideal to begin with in the standard context the of ‘Good vs Evil’ narrative. Yet, this resonated with me and so many others who have struggled. My story was, thankfully, not as tragic in the beginning but growing up in the shadow of my father’s struggle to come to terms with his failed destiny was harsh. Every week, I would live in fear of shouting, screaming, door banging and breaking, and never knowing when this nightmare would end. Then when he passed when I was only 15, I never had the chance to see his other emotions like happiness or sadness, just anger and regret. He suppressed everything and I became that.

Anger was the only thing I ever knew, and so did this character and my Dad. We were all led to believe something. I was forced to believe that my grief would be temporary, and that my studies were the priority over my health. I suffered and kept quiet under this indoctrination. Thankfully, I haven’t tipped into the villain phase of this character yet but his story still hits deep because his villain phase was the phase I was living under my Dad. When the character was close to death, that was when he sought redemption, saved his son and became good again.

Yes, this was also what my Dad did. When he knew he had months left, he shed his anger phase and was regretful. Saying sorry at every opportune moment, and never asked us for help because he didn’t want to be a burden on us ever again. He turned good in the last moments of his life, and all I saw was him dying every day for years.

Now, if you haven’t guessed this character, it’s Darth Vader from the Star Wars Franchise (I mean, he is the cover!). He is my hero and villain because his story is a reflection of my Dad and myself. I believe that if you truly look into his story, struggles and journey of redemption, you may find yourself or people around you fit into that story in some parts or another.

I think the key lessons and takeaways from his story can be simplified.

1. Not everyone’s story is ‘good’. You will encounter phases in your life where you struggle with yourself, emotions, purpose, and life in general. I think it’s important to realise that what you think of yourself matters more than anything, and when you try to get back up on your feet, what you think others think of you is not the same and shouldn’t be taken whole-hearted.

2. Pain, Anger, Frustration, Stress, and Fear are good motivators but only in moderation. It’s like how anything in life can be poisonous to you if you don’t moderate it. Water, vitamins, nitrogen etc can all be harmful to you if you have too much in your system. The same goes for shows, emotions, relationships and so on. Your negative emotions shouldn’t be bottled up, they should be let out so that we can learn how to manage them. Oftentimes, the people surrounding you are a good estimator of when you have too much of a particular emotion. I dare say that these negative emotions are necessary for you to push yourself in the direction you want, else how will you ever learn?

3. Both actions and words have consequences. I think we all know how actions have direct consequences, we see and feel the impact of it. The lesser-known one are words because they can mean anything and therefore shouldn’t be taken too seriously, right? Wrong. Words can mean anything, exactly, and they can mean a whole different thing to you as compared to your recipient. It may not sound hurtful to you but it might be to others. In fact, words are what brought us to war. You declare war, and without a declaration, it’s just an unjustified means to send your men to die.

4. ‘Great things’ are subjective but you don’t have to be born into privilege to be able to do more for ‘great things’. The Darth Vader story was never about being great or born great, it was about how they made use of what they had and made it great. They took a slave boy and made it into a great prophecy weapon against the Sith. Power, in this context, isn’t about the wealthy. Power is Power, the means to having it is not always money but can be in the form of influence, willpower, ideas, and ultimately, opportunities.

Maybe Darth Vader may not be everyone’s story but everyone has a character that best fits them. Maybe a person’s character is themselves. Regardless, we all have a story to tell, but we don’t have enough real listeners these days.

Tl;dr version: Character is Darth Vader and his struggles as a boy is the same as my dad and myself, which led to me derive four lessons as seen above.